I wish

I used to judge people who committed the egregious act of murdering an unborn child. But recently I got to know things that had me thinking. I now know that questions like “what I would do if I had been in the same condition?” are never fair. It is not possible to consider the emotional depth of a situation like this. I realised, that one’s emotions can never be weighed, can never be measured. Nobody can ever have the slightest idea of what one is going through while taking a decision like this. Just looking from the outside, anyone can say that murdering a girl-child is a heinous crime. I know that our law forbids us from killing a girl child, but it cannot stop one to wish for a boy and when a wish isn’t fulfilled, we come to hate whatever the outcome is. That is just human nature. Parents also fear for their daughter’s safety. Today is not the world where a girl can live freely, can go anywhere she wants. It is real and we have a lot of people who say that we need to purge our society from the psychopaths that make us fear for a girl but nobody has even the slightest clue on how?

Just a few hours ago, I got a glimpse of what a parent goes through while coming to a decision on taking the life of an unborn. Consider a father of a girl. Belonging to a middle class family, he is earning enough money to afford the education of her daughter. He loves his little girl and he want her to be settled in a well to do family after marriage so one day he set down and calculated how much he would have for dowry to give in his daughter’s marriage. His daughter is 5 years old now and she will be at least 25 when she gets married. That would mean he will have 20-25 years of savings. He decided to buy a property, put all the savings that he had in it. He can easily sell it after 20 years to have at least 25-30 lacs. He will have to take a loan to buy the property and he can do it with some effort but he is aware that the property is not going to be enough, he is going to need more. What can one in a 9 to 6 job do to have more money, except take loans? And we are not talking about thousands here, we are talking about a seven digit figure. So he decided to have another kid. A boy this time. His whole education will cost him not more that 10-15 lacs and once his son is all grown up and earning good amount of money, he can contribute to his sister’s marriage. Even if he can’t, he will get enough money in his marriage as dowry. The money will be enough to pay the debts from the daughter’s marriage. That will be a big financial help, he thinks.

So if a father, who already has a little girl, is afraid that he is not so financially strong that he can provide the best life for two daughters, and doesn’t have enough money for their education and marriage, then is he wrong if he decides to kill the unborn girl? He doesn’t want to do it, after all it’s his part, his blood, his own shadow but he is helpless. This way he can provide easily for his 5 year old. His heart is crying out but he just can’t afford another girl.

Now consider a mother, who craves for a boy this time. She already has a daughter, whom she loves the most, and next she wants a boy. She holds a bachelor degree but is a house wife, her husband is the only source of income in the house. She understands the financial condition of her house and wants a son that can lift it up. She also is a very religious person and knows better the importance of a son in the family. “One girl and one boy, and ours will be the perfect family then”, she is thinking to herself. “He will touch my feet every morning. Also I can ask him to go to market for groceries. It is not safe to send Roshni (Her daughter).” She is imagining all kind of things that a boy can do and a girl cannot. Just then a thought comes to her mind, “what if it’s a girl”? “No, it can’t be. It’s a boy. I have heard people say that the baby takes shape as you want it to” She says, terrified in her heart at the thought of it being a girl. “No, it’s definitely a boy.”

A mother who always wanted a boy, who knows that she will never be able to love the girl as much as she would have loved the boy and knows that this fact can affect her daughter’s life in so many unimaginable ways, is she wrong to let the unborn baby go while there is still time? She knows that this daughter will never be happy if she lives, she will never be cared for, so is it a good environment for her to be growing up in? Will it be fair to the little girl? In such a case would it and should it not be considered a kind of mercy killing?

I cannot reach any conclusion in this case. I couldn’t take anybody’s side. I don’t want them to kill the girl and I also don’t want her to grow in a hateful environment. So then I make a wish in my heart. I hate to say it, I feel guilty of myself, I have tears rolling down my face, but I wish it to be a boy.